Author: <span>Jyllian M</span>

Sweet Bean you are 13

At some point this week our wonderful girl is going to turn 13. 13. I never understood when grownups said that time actually moves so fast since the time between 2:45 and 3:00 pm seemed to take hours.  But looking through her baby pictures and home movies I feel like …

Want, wish, make

Hey aren’t you supposed to keep your wishes secret or they won’t come true? No matter, I have a few and I’ll think of this as manifesting instead. And asking the universe and/or the powers that be to send some of these good things my way (all the while working …

lucky rocketship underpants

April Moon, Day 14. When I started thinking about this one, I felt like I couldn’t do it. Somedays, as Calvin said to Hobbes, even my lucky rocketship underpants don’t help. The last few years have been hard. I keep a good face in public but that is about as far …

A fight for breath, an ache for home

April Moon, Day 13 Oh so many things… I wonder if I will ever be done with this moving process. I started early to make it easier on every one and myself–just to do a little each day. But that means I’ve been working on this for 8 months.That’s a …

Seal up your lips and give no words but mum.

Well that’s kind of an ironic topic for me. I’ve been keeping a journal online since the 90s. Not all of it is still up, and some is locked behind passwords . I was a confessional poet when I was a poet and I’m more than a bit of a …

Barely boiling water

April Moon, Day 10 Ah the kitchen, center of the home, place of sustenance and creativity. It wasn’t always that way. My Dad liked to cook I think. My mother hated it. I didn’t know how. When I moved out I could barely boil water. Several lovely men taught me …

Short Sharp Shock

April Moon Day 9 Well that’s interesting. I was diagnosed with PTSD in the 90s. When I don’t have more than normal stress I can manage pretty well. Phones ringing can still make me jump. I’m not good with sudden sharp noises but when things are good my heart doesn’t …

cats, cups, shoes

April Moon, Day 8 cats…But I swear to god I’m not a cat hoarder! I was trying to find a good flickr embed plugin, but haven’t yet….so here are those cats! I also like funny coffee mugs. Geeky and with cats! And commemorative glassware! Surprised? And shoes.  Boots and converse …

Once more with feeling

April Moon Day 7 I’m working my way out from under a serious load–of a reoccurrence of the PTSD…or (and I hate this word) a triggering of it..or however you put that. Many months of painting and improving and packing and slowly taking our leave. 2 years of estrangements. Some …

It’s not the thunder, it’s the wind

April Moon Day 6 One thing I won’t miss about Arkansas are the storms. I remember when we used to have rain, now it seems all we have are deluges. Thunder makes me jump, but strangely,although I run around the house unplugging all our computers (or ask J to do …

Music heard so deeply that it is not heard at all

April Moon Day 5 You are the Music, while the music lasts. My favorite Eliot quote. It is now the subtitle of my blog, but it used to be the title. I changed it because I felt myself growing older and stepping away from the dance floor.  The name of …

Relax, go to it

(April Moon 15, day 4)Right now as the house is on the market…nope not now. Last month as we pushed through the major painting, fixing and re-arranging to list the house–nope not then. The previous several months as I packed and cleaned and re-arranged–not really. The last 10 months as …