Category: <span>Angst</span>

crossroads

I don’t know if I’ll get to keep this up and post tomorrow. I’m going to a Curriculum conference. I’m terrified of driving in unknown cities. I hate driving in unknown cities. I’m also at a crossroads for a big decision. This whole thing could have been a massive wrong …

Callin All Angels

I’m going to post some of my assignments on my blog and on Facebook. There’s quite a lot of writing and it’s good exercise. Callin All Angels The loss of one of my dearest friends, strangely wasn’t on my quick list of watershed moments, but when I stopped to think …

Thanks to two men, old and young

Sometimes in your life you can actually hear the door slam and the window open. It’s been a shattering month. Despite the pregnancy losses, mortality and the simple dividing line between living and not, was never so obvious as recently. We knew that C was dying. We’d been visiting weekly, …

Your shadow at morning striding behind you /Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;/I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

~T.S. Eliot from The Wasteland Again and still it is hard to find the desire to say the things I used to say here without much effort. I have always written easily and frequently, until about December of last year. A horrid thing happened and simultaneously my desire to write …

As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport

Once again I’ll thank you for the pokes and proddings to catch up, to write more. We’ve had an eventful last several weeks, both good and bad. The bad is that my stepfather has returned to the hospital then been moved back to the skilled nursing facility. He won’t be …

The sun upon all things that grow, Falls in sleepy streams~Yeats

And it’s been another while. I’m not entirely sure why. Some of it is just life and a lot to do and keep track of. Some is just …well I hope it doesn’t mean I’ve lost the urge to write. I hope it simply means that this is a “…sea-change/Into …

“When you betray somebody else, you also betray yourself.” — Isaac Bashevis Singer

How long does it take to recover from a betrayal? I’ve had a few in my life. Some of them very early. One in my late 20s and several in the last 5 or 6 years. Other than the childhood ones, the last several have been among the worst. People …

Deja Vu

This is really quite unsettling. James has a migraine, as he did last year. The Bean is sick, as she was last year. I am threatening a cold. Just as last year. I host Fangsgiving, just as last year. A year ago, right around this time I got pregnant. Then …

Stick a fork in me

Did this time change mess everyone up more this time? It did us. I suppose the er, four illnesses didn’t help matters. But seriously, all we’ve wanted to do the last two weeks has been sleep, like immediately after dinner. It’s dark so suddenly at five now that it seems …

Panzerkunst

That’s what James calls mittelschmerz. Of which I have a bad case today. And it’s a mixed blessing, this pain in my right side. At least I know something is going on. That is a good sign. But it also scares me and forces our hand. We do want another …

Mouth Beef, Face Beef, Pneumonia and one ashamed cat

if it weren’t so funny It would be quite the tragedy. Oh wait, it kinda is. Emily has the beginnings of pneumonia!?! And Thrush?!?! She’s on three medicines. She’s pretty damn cheerful but can’t stop coughing. How did this happen so fast? She had a little cough when I went …