OK then, my friend A isn’t here yet and the Bean is playing Jumpstart 1st grade (smarTYpants) on her computer. So I’m going to blither a bit. Yes, her computer. It used to be mine, but I started working on videos with effects and music and such so I needed …
I find myself getting the urge to just post “Hello, I’m still here and this is a post.” But I won’t. Exactly. I’m trying to reschedule the little happy hour thing we were going to do but canceled because of J’s mom’s injury. Only 6 more sleeps, as the Bean …
What happens after? I recall wondering if, when you were dying, if you knew you were dying, or if some kind of benevolent mental paralysis set in and held you in a golden place as you took your last breath. In the moment of death,were you still there or already …
That’s what James calls mittelschmerz. Of which I have a bad case today. And it’s a mixed blessing, this pain in my right side. At least I know something is going on. That is a good sign. But it also scares me and forces our hand. We do want another …
Today is pregnancy and infant loss rememberence day. http://www.october15th.com/ Hey C, I’m thinking of you. And I’m thinking of what could have been for both our families. Technorati : miscarriage, pregnancy
I didn’t write on the day or after. I did hear from a good friend (I won’t link her here unless she says ok, that pesky secondary infertility can well, suck)around about the date. No one else remembered except for her. Thak you C. Thank you. That’s more than I …
You say “I don’t know what to say, but I’m sorry.” You way “I’ll be around when you need me.” You don’t say “Oh you can try again.” You don’t say nothing at all and disappear. And you understand. That your friend might be unable to see you (or anyone) …
I went to read at the Bean’s school today. It was wonderful. It is something that makes me so happy I feel all the dark places inside fill up for just a little while. Afterwards the kids all gave me big hugs in a huge pile on and then individually. …
Friedrich Nietzsche: Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man. Today was difficult. The followup at Parkhill to give voice to our bad treatment. That doctor was cruel and when it was outlined on paper, it was appalling. Maybe this will keep something similar from …
In an effort to get caught up on all the things sweet J couldn’t do while I was,well immobile? Catatonic? I went to the post office and did some grocery/sundry shopping. Post office. Pregnant woman Grocery? Pregnant woman screaming at her kids. Slapping them. Other place? Even more pregnant women, …
This is long,sad and morbid — perhaps too much, please just skip over if my situation is wearing on you or if you think I need to get over it and get on with it. It may not seem like a lot, things you do every day, have to do …
For Phoebe Still A Baby by THE COCTEAU TWINS Little Phoebe Who I’ve never seen Had you asked, I’d be right out And maybe In a good time Phoebe, then I’ll tuck you in How is it (Listen angel) You do (Listen angel) Run along and shine the world (This …
Last Ultrasound on Monday not good. The doctor screwed up in telling us things were good. And she was brusque and cold when we went back for the ultrasound that showed her mistake. Adding insult to injury. Tomorrow is another. We expect bad news. I’d be amazed at how much …
