Category: <span>pregnancy</span>

Going Forward, Looking Back, all and only tangents

OK then, my friend A isn’t here yet and the Bean is playing Jumpstart 1st grade (smarTYpants) on her computer. So I’m going to blither a bit. Yes, her computer. It used to be mine, but I started working on videos with effects and music and such so I needed …

Drab dribs

I find myself getting the urge to just post “Hello, I’m still here and this is a post.” But I won’t. Exactly. I’m trying to reschedule the little happy hour thing we were going to do but canceled because of J’s mom’s injury. Only 6 more sleeps, as the Bean …

Vulnerant omnes, ultima necat.

What happens after? I recall wondering if, when you were dying, if you knew you were dying, or if some kind of benevolent mental paralysis set in and held you in a golden place as you took your last breath. In the moment of death,were you still there or already …

Deja Vu

This is really quite unsettling. James has a migraine, as he did last year. The Bean is sick, as she was last year. I am threatening a cold. Just as last year. I host Fangsgiving, just as last year. A year ago, right around this time I got pregnant. Then …

Stick a fork in me

Did this time change mess everyone up more this time? It did us. I suppose the er, four illnesses didn’t help matters. But seriously, all we’ve wanted to do the last two weeks has been sleep, like immediately after dinner. It’s dark so suddenly at five now that it seems …

Panzerkunst

That’s what James calls mittelschmerz. Of which I have a bad case today. And it’s a mixed blessing, this pain in my right side. At least I know something is going on. That is a good sign. But it also scares me and forces our hand. We do want another …

what you say when you don’t know what to say

You say “I don’t know what to say, but I’m sorry.” You way “I’ll be around when you need me.” You don’t say “Oh you can try again.” You don’t say nothing at all and disappear. And you understand. That your friend might be unable to see you (or anyone) …

Friedrich Nietzsche: Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man. Today was difficult. The followup at Parkhill to give voice to our bad treatment. That doctor was cruel and when it was outlined on paper, it was appalling. Maybe this will keep something similar from …

Too Familiar these stages of grief

In an effort to get caught up on all the things sweet J couldn’t do while I was,well immobile? Catatonic? I went to the post office and did some grocery/sundry shopping. Post office. Pregnant woman Grocery? Pregnant woman screaming at her kids. Slapping them. Other place? Even more pregnant women, …