The stomach flu I had concerned the OB. So I’ll be getting an early ultrasound next Monday at a bit over 8 weeks. Throw some positive energy our way. I’d feel better I guess, strangely if I felt worse. I have been nauseous all along and had all the other obvious pregnancy symptoms. I peed on a stick again today just to make myself feel better (it read pregnant faster than the control window showed up). We’re thinking positive and I’m doing well at not freaking out or obsessing. I guess I’m a bit detached, as I’ve been told to expect. At the same time I remember how we bounced around when we got the (first) positive result and how much the Bean has made our lives more fun, so much better and how we both want the chance to give a good life to another offspring. I’m pretty much at peace with being a good mom finally and I know James is a fantastic dad. I guess the waiting for positive news is just hard–so much uncertainty. I remember how much of this went on when I was pregnant with the Bean, but that time it didn’t seem so very unlikely that I’d make it to term, more that something might be wrong or that I wouldn’t be able to do it. Now it’s that I might not make it to term AND something might be wrong, because I know I can handle pregnancy and labor.
Ah well, such is life I guess. Something being a parent has taught me is to stay as much in the moment as possible and that’s what I’m trying to do. I can’t miss the good of today for fear of what might happen on Monday. I can’t be miserable in preparation for something that might not be bad after all.
So here’s a deep breath. And then another.
