If I’m going to sing like someone else, then I don’t need to sing at all. Billie Holiday

DECEMBER 8 – BEAUTIFULLY DIFFERENT

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

Oh God.

Everyone who knows me even a little knows I’m different. My recent quest has been to be a little ~less~ different.

I dress creatively. Still. I like that about myself. Even when I try not to, I do. I can suit up. And have for job interviews, but on a day to day basis I’m always a bit off.

My hair is moody like I am. It changes often. I can’t settle. It’s red with blond stripes or red with darker red stripes. It’s straight,no curly no wavy. I’m not scared of changing my appearance.

I’m  not afraid to be goofy. Which makes me good with kids. I like kids.

I like to help. Sometimes too much.

I don’t get small talk. I’m not good at it. I’m trying to improve.

I LOVE Star Trek. In a “yes I’d still dress up and go to a convention” kind of way.

I’m still a gothgirl in my heart even if I’m not on the outside.

I love Halloween more than Christmas. Our house shows this. We sort of conveniently forget to take down one or more decorations each Halloween. That big spider has been in the kitchen for three years now. And yes, we have a skull under glass (not a real one) on the mantel. Oops.

If I weren’t married, I’d be a crazy cat lady. Oh wait, I am and I’m married to a crazy cat man.

I don’t know anymore if any of this makes me different or just make me ME. I don’t care so much about being different anymore. When I was in my 20s it was very important. It becomes less so the older I get. And I don’t want to be too different because I don’t want to scare away parents of the Bean’s friends.

I don’t TRY to be different anymore, I just am becoming me.

I’m not sure what I do that lights people up. I’m not feeling great about myself at this moment. I’m tired,my leg hurts and I’m not sure how to get the Holiday going. I’m also behind on Xmess shopping because I haven’t been able to get to any shop at all.

I’m starting to wear out. I’m on 38 days straight of blogging. I’m betting everyone is getting sick of hearing from me. I’m thinking I might stop publishing my blog to my FB stream just because there seems to be too much ‘me’ out there lately. I’ve been talking too much at work too I think, at least in one context. Why can’t I blend in more? Yeah, that would be that different thing too I guess. I’m going to keep trying this process, see if a big light goes off in my head January 1. If I make it.

I’m all over the place today. Feel very disjointed. Just out of sorts. Time to hit the sleep setting then press reset tomorrow.