I went to read at the Bean’s school today. It was wonderful. It is something that makes me so happy I feel all the dark places inside fill up for just a little while. Afterwards the kids all gave me big hugs in a huge pile on and then individually. It was the best I’ve felt since January 25th. I’m so amazed at how good it feels to send this energy out to the kids and then they return it tenfold it seems without any loss at all. Amazing kids are, just amazing.
One of the little girls asked me if the baby in my tummy had gone away and I said yes and she said that it was sad. Yes, I said, yes it really is. Then she gave me another hug.
I was also able afterwards to complete an errand that had been giving me weird anxiety fits.
When people are grieving, they are angry and cry and stare off into space and forget things, say weird stuff. Sometimes all of it in a day, sometimes only a few. I’m within normal range (since, it has been pointed out normal isn’t really a standard or very real for that matter) . I’m obviously trying hard to not stay in a million pieces. I’m trying to think of the good bits and the fact that it’s spring outside and not the horrible what ifs and losses and fears.
I’m doing ok at it.
