Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live; it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde

And then there are days when  you take a look at yourself and get a big ole eyeful.

I know I’m not the worst person in the world. I am also not the best. I try to be kind, but sometimes I’m kinder to strangers than I am to my friends. Or people I want to be my friends.

And I don’t mean it. I actually have a million thoughts about say this friend who is a fantastic photographer and I try and say something–not just about his/her photographs, but life. I don’t always. I need to make more time to do that and in person or on the phone where possible.

Or this other person I admire, who cracks me up, who is brilliant and fierce and my own crap with my own unsettled situation takes over that conversation when really? I’d like to get to know her better.

Or this guy who is a great dad and about the kindest man I’ve met. Or this wonderful couple I always love seeing even though I’m a bit intimidated because they are way more beautiful and fabulous than I am. Or this other sweet smart funny couple with adorable kids who are heavy laden with kindness.

So  how do I make sure that I get to actually go on more trips or go out to more outings with these people I really like? 

Well Jesus Jyllian, by just DOING it . It doesn’t matter how many times I *think* about how much I’d like to have you over or go somewhere with you, it matters how much that actually happens. And I’ve let work, and this one weird other thing that I’m not ready to talk about yet, get in the way. And I’ve let tiredness.

I also? quit asking people who said no too often. I will try them again a time or two. 

I used to be better at all this. It’s like I’m having to learn something all over again. I guess I knew how to be a friend before I was a parent, but it’s harder now that I am. It’s that I’m tireder (of course and so are they) and have less time (and so do they) and the things I want to do have changed (I think they are better at that than I am  for the most part).  And there is this young person who requires quite a bit of my attention. I like it that way too because well, after watching her cousin grow from 4 to 13–lets just say I’m very VERY aware the time for snuggles and ‘mom is the best’ is probably getting a bit limited.

So as this is the summer for turning over our getting healthy in body leaf, I’m thinking there are a few other things like that that should happen.

We have gotten lots better with having more kids over and getting kid things going with Bean. But I think we can do more that way.

I am NOT going to let work eat my brain, my energy, my entire life up. That one is going to take some work but I think…I think I’m just going to have to do my best and let all of the outcomes go. 

We need to continue to have people over and go when invited. We’re getting better. It’s hard for Mr. J –he’s more of a hermit than I am, but I have my own hermit tendencies. But there are so many people we REALLY like!

And all of this came from a comment about the weather. That somehow pointed out, in a really funny way that I was  and have been an asshat. 

Now….how to actually do all this…wish me luck, I’m a little stuck. Advice welcome.