Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. Lewis Carroll

DECEMBER 24 – EVERYTHING’S OK

What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

(Author: Kate Inglis)

Hmmm…Well this year and as I’ve gotten older I’ve figured out that while everything may not be ok—indeed sometimes it ISN’T going to be ok, it will…be. I get a little annoyed with the phrase “it is what it is,” but there you go.

Sometimes you lose a dream. And it’s mind blowing how horrible that feels. Then you discover that it feels good to have tried, discarded and found something new. When I left the teaching program my heart was breaking with the loss of the dream of being a teacher. I’m a natural at teaching—and I’m not the only one who has said so. My  mentor did, my professors—all but one anyway but then he’s quite mad. But being an English teacher in anything but college or senior AP—was not the right thing for me at all. But quite possibly being a tech teacher is. Once I got settled in my new job—took some risks, fixed some things, taught some folks how to do or use some tech—then I felt like “ok…this is good, I am going to be ok.”

Sometimes you get hurt  really badly –physically—and find your mortality and your decline outlined like a roman candle at 10pm. And the fear that comes is large. But then your really wonderful husband helps you in the bath and your sweet kid carries your purse for you and your workmates are patient waiting for you to be able to walk to their rooms again and you think “Ok this is scary but I’ll get through it.” And you don’t take your health for granted anymore and suddenly that ****total****food****change***  (low carb cooking for insulin resistance) that you’ve been putting off, becomes necessary. And you think how much that hurt but how in a few months “it’s going to be ok, it’s going to be better in time.”

Sometimes you hurt yourself really badly—through bad choices or bad thinking… and you realize YOU did this in the first place so YOU have the ability NOT TO.

And sometimes you hear your daughter sing without fear in front of a packed house or embrace her favorite princess. Or you see extreme glee on your husband’s face at something you were able to do for him or you hear your family say how much they love it when you cook for them (you who once couldn’t boil an egg) and you think “yeah, it is good and keeps getting better.”

Sometimes things are bad and I can torture myself with memories or harsh thoughts in the middle of the night  in a way that would make Torquemada blanche. But when I can take a moment in the light of day I realize that the past doesn’t predict the future so much as inform it somewhat ,and that I’ve dealt with so much worse so I can get through this to. Whatever *this* is right now.