Someone I’ve been friends with since 1988, but for whatever reasons (I’m not sure what they are) fell out of my life several months ago (busy? paths diverging in too great a manner? The fact that we now live thousands of miles away from each other ). I got some sad news about her from her mom. So I just called. Amazing how difficult it is to pick up the phone or write a card or make any kind of contact with someone you love or have loved after months of no contact.
That’s happening with another friend too. In the first situation there isn’t any anger, in the second there is, but not too much. These things just happen, people grow apart, sometimes they grow back together. There are some folks in my life I hope it never happens with. But so much changes internally and externally in a life all the time, you just never know.
I think the level of anger or hurt makes a bit difference, and the duration of the friendship. There are some people I’ll not likely ever to make the effort to talk with again (I suspect the same is true of them with me). And that’s ok too, I think with some friendships they are just around for a certain period in your life–to help you through something, to teach you about how you do or do not want to be, or because you find yourselves in very similar circumstances (moms in playgroups for example). I’ve had all of those and been all of those for others. Some friends you hope will last your lifetime and you become touchstones for each other. I’m lucky enough to have a number of these.
Still it’s hard to let any of them go. Some of course are harder than others. Some burn intensely for a little while, others with a low flame over decades. They are all important moments in our lives, long or short. Sometimes one leaves to make room for another.
My life isn’t lacking in friends now of varying intensities. I’ve re connected with some folks who really shaped my late teens and early twenties. Now they are helping me to shape my adult life. And there are new friends too. Some with the quality of long burning embers others coming on like a blowtorch. I hope I’m approaching the consistent ability to appreciate all kinds and durations simply for what they are. Sad to lose any of them, but very good to have had them.
