It was an interesting day. That seems like such a tepid way to say well, just about anything. We were able (we = two of my M.A.T. cohort and myself) to see /hear Chris Crutcher (noted author of many, several of them banned, books)to hear some presentations given by other teachers and to get to know each other. I had thought I wasn’t connecting with most folks but we seemed to get along. I liked learning more about them and it is particularly gratifying to hear when people come from happy families.
We gave our presentation as well and it went quite nicely. I had another opportunity to feel competent–there was a computer/connectivity glitch at the beginning, I was able to fix. I find since I’ve been working toward this degree, I really like technology again. So much so that I’ve been thinking about trying to break into either a)technology education or b) being some sort of technology liaison. I have seen what teachers have to deal with and am planning on, if I stay in this thing, researching further what their relationship with technology is.
On Monday /Tuesday I was ready to leave though. I finally hit a wall. I don’t know how to do less than my best–really. I sit down, look at the work and give it what it needs. I stop when I’m done. I am meticulous, though that has slipped (at least the proofreading)and that is a problem. Funny, some of my best attributes are causing me issues right now. I’m also tenacious and love depth. And there’s no time, just no time. I haven’t missed a deadline yet. I’m not sure I’ll be able to sustain that.
I was able to get good counsel from S, my recent mentor and some assurances from within the program. I am going to spend the weekend talking with James about whether I’m heading in the wrong direction and should get off the ride or continue. I know I can’t have another 2 days like the beginning of this week.
So, we’ll see. It felt as if my heart was breaking, I’ve wanted to be a teacher since I graduated from high school. Self doubt is normal I suppose. We’ll just have to see.
