And another thing

And another thing

Oh this has been another difficult day. There have been a number of them. They aren’t difficult in the great scheme of things or even in comparison to some of the stuff that’s happened this last year, but uncomfortable, like having a small case of poison ivy when you aren’t terribly allergic but just a little.

Today we made it out for lunch with J’s mom at Hugo’s (I worked there in high school, it’s still exactly the same). and walked down to Dark Star (favorite shop). We got done right before Bean pickup time and when I got her home she went straight to J’s mother and glommed onto her for about two hours. . It was a little weird for me not to be occupied with her and my own stuff simultaneously. And I remember thinking how I wish I’d had a grandmother that wanted to play with me. I did have a great grandmother who liked to bake weird little cookies and had a spooky old house and a cool ancient doll named Maria, that I loved to play with. She was bisque and marked by a fine spiderweb of cracks, blue blue eyes and no hair. She’d been my mother’s. I hope she’s still around somewhere, I loved her so much. I knew she was real.

Anyway–we tried then to go to Pinnacle hills and made it to a bookstore and build a bear where the Bean managed to talk us/ J’s mother into another build a cat with a dress and black heels, I kid you not. It is really cute how they make the things and they are way cooler than regular stuffed animals. The Bean absolutely believes the entire thing and is sure they are alive by the time they are dressed. It is cool, but expensive. The stripy cat in the pumps and trapunto skirt is named Leia. Nice. J is pleased with that.

Then just as we were leaving (the process takes like 45 minutes–you have to have clothes you know and matching shoes. J gets violently ill and nearly barfs everywhere. It had been going pretty well too. The fun part about this is for the half an hour ride home, on the freeway, we get to choose between the woman with bad night vision or the man likely to spew at any moment for a driver. I won. I clutched the steering wheel like if I could grip it tight enough I’d see better. I hate driving on freeways at night. I managed in San Francisco, but I was years younger and my vision was better. I was way more bulletproof then and I didn’t have a car with some of the most important people in the world in it. So yeah, that was fun. I only nearly crashed once, when I got to a street where they had just repaved and hadn’t painted in the lines yet — I couldn’t tell where I was supposed to be and the automatic memory of the street didn’t kick in. Cause I’d driven that street many times.

I’m not sure we’ve managed to pull off one thing this entire visit that didn’t get screwed up somehow. And all the screw ups were unavoidable–from the Bean getting really sick for about 4 -6 days out of the last two weeks, to J getting barfy tonight,me getting a migraine, God even one of the cats had a epic vomit soiree. Oh and having a major party, a major holiday/anniversary and time change during one visit? I don’t recommend it. One of those things should suffice.I feel like I should have done better but I can’t figure this out. I’m too tired and too burnt out to figure it out. I’m not sure what will make this better. A lot of quiet time? I know a trip to the library is needed tomorrow. I need a big pile of books.

I don’t know if anything will make it better for J’s mom. Maybe just getting back to her house and kitties will soothe the discomfort. I hope. I hope those cats do their jobs and wick away negativity.

I wanted to post the pictures of Halloween decorating we did, because we do a great job and every year it gets weirder, more elaborate and more fun. But I really just want to cry or sleep or roll around on the floor calling Cthuhlu to take me down to the murky depths and end my sorry existence. Joke, people a joke!

So J’s mother leaves tomorrow. I really wish it had turned out better. Everyone was so looking forward to this visit. I hope eventually I can, I don’t know, figure out something about it, or me or what I should have done or what color the sky is on my planet.

Yeah…library. Books will make everything better. And maybe some shoes.

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