And I feel the way that every child should /Sit and listen, sit and listen /Went to school and I was very nervous /No one knew me, no one knew me ~Mad World, Tears for Fears

And I feel the way that every child should /Sit and listen, sit and listen /Went to school and I was very nervous /No one knew me, no one knew me ~Mad World, Tears for Fears

Are you socially inept? I am.

Well I can be.  Very much. I have improved a lot on my once crippling social anxiety. I have no problems at work anymore—that was mostly the fall out from a horrible marriage and a painful end to a good relationship (that followed the horrible marriage). I quit liking people at all, pretty much the same way I did back in high school. But for different, kind of the same reasons. I figured if they weren’t violent, then they weren’t going to stick around.

Of course having been married to a wonderful, if somewhat grumpy man, for 10 years and with a lovely Bean, who is a social butterfly—I’ve had to get past a bunch of that.

So I’m faced with what should normally be a fun time (for normal people)  and I’m petrified. I don’t do well in certain types of situations. Maybe I’ll just end up in the corner rocking back and forth the way I did in high school.

Give me a machine to fix or an old fashioned LAN party even and I’m good.  But I’m going somewhere with no wifi.

Damn messing with my new year’s resolution not to do what I don’t really feel good about doing. But friendship trumps that. And I’ll work on changing my attitude now.

I’m better at hibernating.

And really? I annoy enough people that the odds are there will be at least….eleventy of them there.

But I care about the person giving the party and the person who it is for so I’ll go.  And then…

yo, cut it
Soy un perdedor, I’m a loser baby so why don’t you kill me,

which is pretty damn near what happens socially anyway when I open my mouth, I swear.

Ok, not that bad, but not so great either. I think I’m one of those aquired tastes and need to stick with folks who have…already aquired the taste.

Why can’t I just be normal?

One comment

  1. Why can’t I just be normal?

    I like you just the way you are! Sorry to hear about the angst with socializing. I can be quite a dork at gatherings. I used to be so shy that I would tremble! I also blush really easily, and turn so red you could toast a marshmallow… Being a barista helped me a lot because it forced me to talk to strangers… a lot of strangers. I still get shy attacks. Hope your party went well! Ciao bella, Tui

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