Category: Angst
Callin All Angels
I’m going to post some of my assignments on my blog and on Facebook. There’s quite a lot of writing and it’s good exercise. Callin All Angels The loss of one of my dearest friends, strangely wasn’t on my quick list of watershed moments, but when I stopped to think …
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Nonexistant
I know I lived here. I know I had these friends and experiences. I have them all locked in my head. I remember some very very clearly. But there are very few pictures. There are many pictures of my friends, some of them I took, but very few of me. …
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Thanks to two men, old and young
Sometimes in your life you can actually hear the door slam and the window open. It’s been a shattering month. Despite the pregnancy losses, mortality and the simple dividing line between living and not, was never so obvious as recently. We knew that C was dying. We’d been visiting weekly, …
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Your shadow at morning striding behind you /Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;/I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
~T.S. Eliot from The Wasteland Again and still it is hard to find the desire to say the things I used to say here without much effort. I have always written easily and frequently, until about December of last year. A horrid thing happened and simultaneously my desire to write …
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As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport
Once again I’ll thank you for the pokes and proddings to catch up, to write more. We’ve had an eventful last several weeks, both good and bad. The bad is that my stepfather has returned to the hospital then been moved back to the skilled nursing facility. He won’t be …
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The sun upon all things that grow, Falls in sleepy streams~Yeats
And it’s been another while. I’m not entirely sure why. Some of it is just life and a lot to do and keep track of. Some is just …well I hope it doesn’t mean I’ve lost the urge to write. I hope it simply means that this is a “…sea-change/Into …
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“When you betray somebody else, you also betray yourself.” — Isaac Bashevis Singer
How long does it take to recover from a betrayal? I’ve had a few in my life. Some of them very early. One in my late 20s and several in the last 5 or 6 years. Other than the childhood ones, the last several have been among the worst. People …
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Insert title here
Trying not to give up now that we are down to the wire. Had some issues with our connection last night so I’m hoping the fact that I had it queued up to go when the access came back makes it OK. It’s not like there was anything else I …
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Still not quite right
I had a topic that came up in an email with my friend C, about veterinary malpractice. I’m not in the best headspace to deal with that right now. So much went wrong with Mr. Newg (Mr. Newguise, from the middle English word for new fashion, basically) at the end …
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Stick a fork in me
Did this time change mess everyone up more this time? It did us. I suppose the er, four illnesses didn’t help matters. But seriously, all we’ve wanted to do the last two weeks has been sleep, like immediately after dinner. It’s dark so suddenly at five now that it seems …
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Panzerkunst
That’s what James calls mittelschmerz. Of which I have a bad case today. And it’s a mixed blessing, this pain in my right side. At least I know something is going on. That is a good sign. But it also scares me and forces our hand. We do want another …
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It’s not what it looks like
I keep trying to hold it together, to make sure everyone is taken care of, to find the good, but really it’s been too much. It’s been relentless, and there are times it gets to be too much. And while we are lucky to have good friends around us and …
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Mouth Beef, Face Beef, Pneumonia and one ashamed cat
if it weren’t so funny It would be quite the tragedy. Oh wait, it kinda is. Emily has the beginnings of pneumonia!?! And Thrush?!?! She’s on three medicines. She’s pretty damn cheerful but can’t stop coughing. How did this happen so fast? She had a little cough when I went …
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It will get better one day
That’s what everyone says. Except that now I should be in my second trimester, the honeymoon of being pregnant. And I’m not. I am trying and sometimes angry that people expect too much from me. I am trying and saddened that I can’t expect more of myself. I feel I’ve …
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Detachment
The stomach flu I had concerned the OB. So I’ll be getting an early ultrasound next Monday at a bit over 8 weeks. Throw some positive energy our way. I’d feel better I guess, strangely if I felt worse. I have been nauseous all along and had all the other …
