Going Forward, Looking Back, all and only tangents

Going Forward, Looking Back, all and only tangents

OK then, my friend A isn’t here yet and the Bean is playing Jumpstart 1st grade (smarTYpants) on her computer. So I’m going to blither a bit.

Yes, her computer. It used to be mine, but I started working on videos with effects and music and such so I needed more power. I built it from er, scratch? Because in my other life I was a sysadmin and bigtime computer dork. That life I may still return to. But that’s a derail we’ll get to in a moment.

Here’s the box, but mine is a much less frightening blue and silver


I stuffed it full of great things –best dvd, best cdr, best video card and buttloads of ram (scavenged some for a friend and the Bean still has over a meg) and made it all play together nicely. I think I did that while pregnant with the Bean too. Pregnancy brain messed with other things, not that so much. ANYway…she’s up there “playing a game,” which is accidentally teaching her reading and math. Heh. Wonder how long that will work?

I’m really over J being gone. This has been a long freaking week. For many reasons. I think I’ll email C and a couple of other folks to help me process this thing that is eating me up. I can’t and don’t rely completely on J to do this with me. Besides, he has enough on his plate.

From this point forward this: ~ will note that I’m posting a random thought. I will try and have a somewhat cohesive post, with transitions and everything but really I want to get these thoughts out. I feel very strongly about what nablopomo has brought out in me.

~I love Edith Piaf and am enjoying listening to her muchly right now

~I like my titles for blog entries, stories, poems…I give good title.

~did anyone else think the new bpal eggnog smelled a bit like playdo, and that that was OK?

~I’m getting very tired of being angry and hurt. The meditation helps. The uh, blurting, on livejournal does too. I’m so shocked by this turn of events and trying to both find my spine AND be forgiving. That’s not easy.

~ I must note for posterity and just for general extreme happiness: The Bean chose to read a book to me. To really read the entire freaking story to me. The first library book the Bean has read herself is called “The Ballet Sisters,” at least the first story so far. She’s been reading Bob Books and Hello kitty books for awhile, like ER, 2 years now (puffing up with pride) but this was a case of “Mommy, I’m going to read this book to you and you can’t tell me the words, I’ll sound them out.” Oh god, what an adventure she’s in for. Reading is well, the best thing ever. I love a few things fervently in this world….J and The Bean, Cats (both mine and all of them) and reading. When I’m scared I can read. When I’m sad I can read. When I need help I can read. When I want to escape I can read. And I can read anything on any subject. And I read obscenely fast –I have to slow myself down on books with excellent plots and characters or it’s like eating an entire giant valentine’s box of chocolates at once.

She asked me for a flashlight so she can read under the covers. Well yes, we will be getting her one of course! Of course! I feel like dancing at this. So many adventures. Funny this after on NPR today they were talking about the decline in reading. Not in this house. We decorate in books. Our child will be both computer literate (hell she’s going to blow us out of the water and that’s saying something) and a reader. And into music. It’s unavoidable in this house and with our (very smart and musical) friends.

~She’s been a good girl this week, not so argumentative or whiny. Karate really freaking helps. I’ve been getting her more exercise too. And she’s getting ready to grow about three inches.

~I think what I’d like to do from this point forward is start taking pictures to post here. Not every day, because well, content suffers when you post every day I think. But to post a picture as often as possible. Of us (cats and people) friends and Fayetteville too . We live in such a pretty place …

This would mean of course, that I will need to figure out why my new digital camera is so hard to take pictures with. My last one (a Kodak ls753) was great, but succumbed to the stuck lens problem finally after 4 years. This new one was inexpensive as digitals go, but had the controls I wanted. I’m afraid it isn’t great though, and I’ll need to stick with it for a year or two before I can trade up. This new one blurs easily but has some excellent settings. Just like I’d like to take a serious culinary class.

There are some big things on the horizon. (redacted after nablopomo)….

This is more than a bit disjointed, but there you go. There’s much to think about. And I thank those of you who have made this journey with me. I’ll keep reading you, I hope you’ll keep reading me. Ya’ll made these intertubes less impersonal and brought me out from my small friend group of readers into the blogosphere once again (er yeah, I was once mentioned in a few reviews and books for documenting\ my life).

Thank you for helping me find my voice again. Same time next year?

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