My land is bare of chattering folk;

My land is bare of chattering folk;

the clouds are low along the ridges,
and sweet’s the air with curly smoke
from all my burning bridges.

Dorothy Parker (1893 – 1967), SANCTUARY

Welly well. I’m sitting down and having a beer before my Spring break. Not the Spring break of my 2nd graduate degree, but the spring break of my gainful employment in the school system as a tech/curriculum specialist.

I have to say I really like my job for the most part. I didn’t realize until, well until I got to the Arkansas Curriculum conference and fixed some things that were broken and talked to some teachers about making technology work for them…I didn’t realize fully how much I like fixing things. How I like to make things work. How I enjoy helping people who are doing something really worthwhile, to deal with the tools they need to use.

Don’t get me wrong. I love reading as much as cats and nearly as much as breathing I just though of how it might hurt to lose my personal secret joy and love of lit by having to force it into “standards”

I’m kinda bugged by what NCLB has done to education But I”m determined to help teachers find a way to deal with that that…whatever it is and still bring joy to learning.

Oh yeah and seriously technology is the great equalizer and I’m determined that every kid in every house, in every trailer in every freaking possible situation will know how to deal with all the basics when they leave MY schools. Yeah. I claim ownership. I will be part of the difference.

I still get to be a teacher. I still get to deal with kids and adults. I just don’t get that extra degree and certificate. I guess I’ll wait a little bit and see if that hurts my ego. I don’t think it will though because…well I have extra degrees already and I respect my father’s ability to build and fix things. Is it wrong to enjoy bringing a puzzle to its completion? Am I less than suddenly because I can use a screwdriver?

I’m happy. I know there is a quote…not all who wander are lost. I’ve wandered a lot. I was supposed to have retired. I had achieved everything I wanted to …but then I couldn’t have another child. Then I couldn’t stay home and be mommy. We have a gorgeous amazing girl but she doesn’t need me home all the time. It would be easier if I were, but without a baby dear, well I just…can’t. I could, but I can’t. I need to contribute something more.

My husband makes enough for me not to work and I didn’t and I”m glad I didn’t. I needed the time with the Bean. BUT before you write me off–it wasn’t easy. It required fear and compromise. I’m glad we did it, even if we are spending the next five months getting straight with debt. I was a latchkey kid and was scared every afternoon. I didn’t like many of my baby sitters. I didn’t like being alone.

Would I do it again. I love that child. If I knew I could have two, yes. If I knew I’d be living through so many miscarriages I’d go back to being careergirl sooner. Why? It hurts less.

I’d be a stay at home mommy until 7. Almost too much. If I could choose I”d always be a stay at home mommy. At least until both kids were 7. I love that time with them.

Well then. I’m too old to have another baby, but I’m glad I can help teach yours about how to grok technology.