Selfishly unselfish

Selfishly unselfish

So how do you teach your child to be unselfish?

And how unselfish should s/he be? Honestly this isn’t an unselfish society. We are all looking for more status, more money more power—so how do you raise your kids to think of others.

When really? That isn’t what life in the real world is about?

Or is it?

I sound confused because I am. I wake up each day, after the horror of the alarm, after the yuck I don’t wanna get up and I take a moment. Every single day and I think about, I ask..

How can I make today NOT about me. How can I make today better for the people I meet.

I ‘m guessing right about now you are either laughing at me or disbelieving. But it is one of the the only things I can do  to make my life mean something more than myself. Yes I make sure I care for animals, yes I make sure I give to charity, yes yes I make sure I do all those things you are supposed to do BUT


Every day has to NOT start off with me. I have to at least try. Some days I’m great at it, some days not so much.

Recently I’ve been tested. I’m trying SO hard right now. I’m asking for, I’m hoping for…clarity. I hate what I have to go through every day. It makes me physically ill, but I’m hoping there will be some truth that comes from this. Oh, and I’m hoping for this soon.

We recently took our kidlet to the Muskogee Ren Faire. I love Ren Faire’s. I worked at one, as an actor or vendor for over seven years. I love them so much. The only ONLY place I’ve ever felt like myself, even more so than a goth club, was the first time I worked a Ren Faire.

And I want my daughter (and husband) to know this joy. This suspension  of disbelief. This willful desire to be somewhere and someone else. This understanding that some of us exist outside of the time all of you live in.

And this year, when she knew all of that….well or how much it meant to me. She disappointed me.  She whined and didn’t want to be dirty or be there or be hot or dressed up or watch much of anything.

To be fair, we usually go earlier when it is less than 80 percent humidity and 96 degrees. But then how do you you teach your child to be unselfish

when what you want is for her to be unselfish for your selfish desire. YOUR desire to share your love and joy when really what she wanted was to just be home without a nose full of black boogers and sweat? When what she wanted really didn’t have anything to do with what I wanted for us…….for me?

I don’t have the answer to this other than she knows she disappointed me with her constant whining and with the fact we left without seeing more than 1/2 a show. Spending less time there than it it took to drive the two hours …I know we all yelled and the anger was harsh . I know what happened wasn’t what I wanted at all. What any of us wanted.

I know she’s sorry. She said so BUT. But then I also know she’s our only daughter. The only child we will ever have because I am now barren. How do I give her everything but teach her the value of unselfishness?

I can take solace in the fact that she is only this way with me and her dad. With her friends and even strangers she isn’t. So perhaps…

perhaps she is learning

There is always next year.




  1. It’s hard sometimes to have others see the joy or feel the same about a particular place or event as we do. I realize that all the time. I try to share certain things with Ralph and he just doesn’t get it. He gets it Most of the time, but on certain things, it just doesn’t happen. Guess we have to be grateful for those times when they do see what we see.

    1. Jyllian M

      I think Fran, what I was trying to say and didn’t quite was I wanted her to be good for my sake, even if she didn’t like or share in my joy. I was disappointed when she didn’t. I think this was one of those times that she learned from –and I did too. Because I showed her how much it meant to me and how sad it made me. As much as you want to protect your kids sometimes you have to show them the truth even if it hurts.

      I learned too from James (again) that each family does things differently. Some parents may get carts or presents from their kids and I get time with mine. A lot of time and that, even when I’m missing the card , is the best gift we have for each other.

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