So the cat ate my sim chip

Yeah, so the cat, the cat ate my Sim chip. It didn’t start out so near her mouth, oh no. I’ve had a Topsy turvy couple of weeks. J’s mom has been visiting and the Bean is over the moon and I can’t keep track of my regular schedule. Not such a bad thing–you should shake your shit up every so often. I guess. I’m a creature of habit though. A cat in human skin. I’m best with my place like I expect it. That doesn’t mean I’m not happy about the visit, just flummoxed by it, because that’s my nature.

OK…so flummoxed as I am (oh I like that word) and the temperature dropped to 38 degrees today so I put on my new 19.99 Sierra Trading post faux shearling jacket. Yum and warm. And got my recalcitrant, no longer green pooping child out the door. Not easy. I’d um, stored my charger before the party and have neglected to tell myself where I stored it so my phone was hooked up to a usb cable getting some juice. I thought, hey I’ll just slip in in my pocket.

First and second mistakes. Or maybe third and fourth. The first was getting up. the second getting dressed at all. Because aside from first day washed fuzzy hair I had a phone in my coat pocket. Where I don’t usually have it.

And the thinking went this way after I dropped off the Bean (because we aren’t walking to school right now because she might suddenly poop green or so she says):This jacket is new and it says it can be washed. It’s kind of stiff and I bet it will look more lived in once I’ve washed it. So I wash it. With my fuchsia pink unlocked razr I got off ebay to replace the one closed in the door on the Bean’s birthday. Yes after over 15 years of not ever breaking any electronics I’ve become a scythe waving death to cell phones. Ooooo fear me.

But wait it gets better. Being the geek or ex geek I am (hey I used to build multi state networks before I engaged in childbearing activity) I look up how to deal with a wet cell phone. Knowing the directions meant “dropped in water,” not “washed on the double spin and rinse cycle of doom to cell phones.” Yeah. But I do it anyway. Even preparing to immerse the phone in a container of rice. I pulled out the battery, the Sim chip and then our youngest cat, still a kitten really, Haru, vaulted onto my desk, flung her paws up the air with great abandon, threw the tiny tiny chip off the desk, jumped after it and well, that’s the last I’ve seen of it. Maybe it’ll show up in the cat box in a few days. I can tell you I won’t be looking too closely no matter how freaking curious I am.

So I fess up to the boyo who only shakes his head and chuckles endearingly (yeah that’s it) and I head out to the mall to find a replacement. I find one. They quote me a price three times what’s on the web. I tell them this, they say they’ll price match what’s on their own website if I bring in a printout. I say….you mean I need to go back and print out what you can see on the screen there and you’ll match it…yeah,. Argh. I go home and do this print out thing. In the meantime I’m realizing I have nothing for dinner and really need a freaking phone because my cell is the first line of defense against school illness, broken bones and alien invasions.

I cry. Yes I am stretched a bit thin. I don’t usually cry when I haven’t figured out dinner, washed my phone and witnessed my cat consuming a tiny chip with all my cell phone information on it, though perhaps that would be something to consider in the future.

And I really really need a break.. I can’t keep up with the Bean having galloping fevers and explosive diarrhea. And a house-guest ( in my own defense, I’m fastidious, but let things slide when oh…my daughter has green poo shooting out her ass or I am feeling so overwhelmed that only a trip to the library will keep me from committing unspeakable acts on chihuahuas). . I have things that went begging where the party had to take precedence and the switchover of seasonal clothing and and and….monkeys! flying out my butt!

ahem. So we went back to ask about the phone, thinking it might be a nice bit of time with each other. Oh wait…this is me and my husband alone ,because someone else is caring for our child. That hasn’t happened often at all. Yes she’s 5 what’s your point (tears out hair). And the SAME GUYS that told me what to do earlier…told me they didn’t have the phone I asked about ONLY 5 hours earlier. NOPE. But they have this more expensive one, that’s even more expensive because I don’t have the online price match dealio. But I CAN HAVE IT TODAY

AND NOT WAIT@! EVEN ONE MORE SECOND!

Yeah, well I’ll survive the alien freaking invasion if it will save me $100.

So J and I went out to dinner and I had crab legs. Or as I like to call them ‘crapped crab lips,” but that’s another story and involves other things.

I also got crab leg fatigue. I don’t want to explain it, but I wanted to note that it happened.

OK…now I need to wish I still smoked.