Still not quite right

Still not quite right

I had a topic that came up in an email with my friend C, about veterinary malpractice. I’m not in the best headspace to deal with that right now. So much went wrong with Mr. Newg (Mr. Newguise, from the middle English word for new fashion, basically) at the end of his life that it hurts still to think about it.

And I’m not in a great place for thinking about sad things today. I had one of those days. Just couldn’t get a break and felt uncomfortable in my skin. Everything is either too tight or too lose.

I did get to go to beanschool and make pies (with the kids and 5 other moms)for their feast on Thursday. Those should be some hilarious pumpkin pies. It was too hot and I got sweaty (I have a faulty systemic temperature regulator, heh, I sound like a robot) which made me uncomfortable. The Bean *did*not*like* me working with other kids and not being at her table. We were at the same table to begin with, but after they made the crusts, then they made the filling at another table. She did not like this and didn’t want the other kids to have me for their mother. Heh. The other kids hug me and talk to me and such because I talk to them like they are people. She’s good about sharing everything but her mom. I admit after about 20 minutes of crying I got a bit exasperated. I stopped and talked to her a few times about what was going on, but it didn’t help. I tried to remember how big feelings are at her age and not think about how none of the other kids were crying about moving to another table than their mothers. But then, all the other kids were boys and 6, not girls and 5.

Big feelings she has big feelings. Well I still have big feelings.

Like today. I felt the big feeling of not fitting in my body at all. It isn’t a good feeling.

Made a good dinner I pulled out of my butt with some ground turkey, mushroom,diced tomato, red pepper, onion, mushrooms, cream cheese and sour cream, oh and noodles. It worked.

I’m really enjoying Soul of a Chef. Had to slow down on Bourdain’s Nasty Bits–I like his writing, but he has a certain tone that can be a bit like a machine gun if you read too much too fast. And I read fast. Really fast.

Seriously, more thoughtful posts when my brain comes back online. Just in time to get ready to host Fangsgiving.

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