The Bean

aprilmoon4_5(April Moon 15, day 3)I’ve done a number of things in my life–built networks from the ground up, written a book of (bad) poetry (only published in zines), built websites from vague words and three pictures into powerhouses of attraction. I’ve written a thesis on the application of the semiotics of torture to the life of medieval women. I have a couple of degrees and certifications.

Honestly, the very best thing I’ve ever done with my life is literally give birth to The Bean. Becoming a mother took an otherwise twisted and stunted woman (though one trying hard to better herself) and made almost a whole person. I’ve so far managed to not do what was done to me. EVER. NOT EVEN ONCE. Not even a smaller socially acceptable version of it. That heals something in my soul in way nothing else could.

But it really isn’t about what being her mom has done for me, though there is much. I laugh more. I see beauty every day. I learn about love and patience. I see where I can nurture a gentle soul toward strength and self acceptance (I hope).  I hope and dream for her. I watch in awe as she grows and changes . I miss each day as it passes and anticipate the next. The finest day ever was the day she came into our lives.


    1. Thank you for saying that! She is a wonderful kid and gorgeous (she doesn’t realize how much!) She’s kind and gentle too. And I am proud she’s never ever had terrifying moments from me. It really is something and one of the few things I will let myself be proud of (I’m working on the others).

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