My voice letting go

My voice letting go

IProject Reverb prompt: Letting go: For next year, I’m letting go of

Anger and being taken advantage of. Walking on eggshells. I have started speaking up for myself, but didn’t reckon on just how that wasn’t going to go over well sometimes. But it isn’t. Actions have consequences however, and if I decide it is worth it to me, I have to take the fallout. And it is worth it to me. I very much want to have positive, give and take relationships in my life.

Not just relationships where I give.

I have some very sturdy friendships– some give me support online from far away–kind words and jane austen quote–‘you can do it.’ Those mean much. If just for a moment to know you are in someone’s thoughts. Â I have friendships closer that I know and have seen (I’ll never forget when Kathy and her husband mowed our lawn when I had a miscarriage or the flowers and poem from Faye and Kees (and S). Or the SF folks who have given me recommendations over the years, or like my friend Matt who tells me the truth gently — or like my friend Rachel who listened when my heart has been hurt. Like Beth who helped me walk the gauntlet and packed me up when it was time to leave. And so many more. Or the folks who stand firmly by my side when I need them. For those folks I will walk over coals. And i think they know it. I went to Sara’s house just Friday after some bad news and we talked and laughed when I didn’t think I could. And I just showed up. Then I catsat for other folks and what could have been a tough night got immeasurably better because of friendships.

I have some back in my life too Mr. J and his wonderful wife. I owe them a phone call this week.  Paul who fills up my heart with laughter just seeing him.

I’m letting go of focus on the hurt and grabbing firmly onto the bounty.

Reverb14 prompt: What is the sound of your own voice?

It’s been halting when asking for what I need. It’s getting stronger. It is kind. It is firm. There is a lot of laughter. I think there should be more singing.

 

3 Comments

  1. This resonated with me in so many ways. First, asking for help. It is so hard to do something simple like ask for help, isn’t it? And yet, it isn’t easy at all to admit that we can’t do it all. I once had to ask my neighbor to come help me tend my baby while I was so sick with a migraine I couldn’t stop vomiting, and I making that phone call was the most difficult thing I did in a long time.

    Second, speaking up for myself and knowing I am worthy of my own defense. Yes, trampling those eggshells like I am squishing grapes for wine. A constant challenge that I am always working on.

    So glad I came strolling by from Reverb14. xo

  2. ArianaAuburn

    There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Especially when you are about to embark on a long journey to the North. Walking on eggshells is part of that journey: once you get used to the new life, you won’t have to walk on them anymore.

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