Beautiful Regret

Beautiful Regret

The Goal is to be caught up by Sunday. Stay with me!

Reverb14 Prompt: “What unfinished projects from 2014 are you willing to release now? (Regret not required.)”

Our House. We have to move out of state and even though we will miss our ‘big red house’  as Em called it when she was little, creating our forever home is going to have to wait. And I can also release the idea that we will ever become real DiY’ers. I can paint and fix a few things but J is not into that stuff at all. So developing that character trait is right out.

That said, I’m doing a bang up job getting the house ready. I realize how much I’ll miss it everyday.

Also–I believe, I think possibly I have given up on ever looking like …one of those grownup ladies. I see them with manicures and clothes without cat hair. Blazers and heels. Every so often I can get in grownup lady drag but I can’t maintain it for long. And I’m through with beating myself up over that. I’m was a weird kid, a weird young woman, now I’m a weird woman and I’ll be a weird old woman.

I’m not quite ready to give up fitting into my biological family. But I’m very close. Maybe just one last sigh. I do finally wish them well though. I hope they find the happiness they  need.

Project Reverb prompt: “Gorgeous: When did you feel beautiful this year? Why?”

This was not a good year for feeling beautiful. I had the Great Hair Freakout of 2014, when a stylist paulandmefinally admitted my hair wasn’t really growing out, she just kept cutting it. And that had been going on for two years. Yes that was dumb of me, but I believe people when they tell me they are telling me the truth. Which is also dumb. And that final haircut was flipping hideous. And right before one of those ‘big’ birthdays. And there were some other things going on about then that made it pretty hard to take.

I also got injured and quit swimming and consequently found any weight I’d lost.

I also tried eating next to nothing for two months. That lost some weight but made me very tired.I did get a handle on portion size. I hope.

But there was my big birthday party when so many people I love and that love me –which opened my eyes to maybe not being a terrible person after all 🙂  And Halloween–with a lot of families we love in our spooky house . I was Mary Poppins this year and our daughter was a plague doctor.

I think I need to be kinder to myself about my appearance next year. And hopefully start walking and swimming again.  But I have learned that feeling the love of good people makes you feel beautiful no matter how weird your hair or how heavy your weight.

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